crazy

so I'm going crazy... or emotionally crazy? does that make sense.

so in April my uncle, or even my second dad one might say died. It was coming but in all honestly it felt like it came out of no where. My heart broke, and world literally stopped turning nothing else mattered. Slowly I steped back in the spinning world with glimpse of what I saw, what I felt, what I heard and the emotion keeps pouring back in.

so now I'm confused again.

I have memories that pop back in and I just want to cry and generally do.

well now I've been obsessing over Heath ledger... why I don't know

but I honestly in some ways feel like I know him... that makes no sense but I have dreams of him and usually it's images of him before he died and they weren't bad. I honestly think it was an accident and he just shouldn't have taken them all those pills together. Perhaps they were ment for certain times of the day example one he takes in the mornings and the other at night etc. So maybe it was just miss reading or who knows what. Or just maybe he knew exactly what he was doing and that's that. I think the thing that upsets me most is that his daughter was so young, he was so young and just how people portray him as going mad after the joker role. so weird because he said he loved that role in interviews and what not.

oh well

anyhow I just thought I'd mention that.